pesky little personal pep talks

I always said, when life get's to comfortable, it's time to move.

And so November 22nd, i loaded a trailer. life was comfortable. I was comfotable. I loved my little french cafe apartement. I easily knew my way to church, taco bell, and payless. I had a favorite mountain spot. I knew the bus route, when the grocery store got new apples, where the best soup is served on tuesdays. I had my own little comfort zone. My desk job. My favorite gas station.

and i hate that while secretly loving it. I hated how average i was feeling, how settled everything had become. While secretly enjoying the simplicity of my little world.

And so God threw a metephorical brick and said "hey you there...get a move on it. You want growth, I'll give you something to shake it up a bit!"

And so off i went on an adventure.

And i've noticed consciously - it is soooo uncomfortable for me. And well...I'm loving it! I'm waking up. It's like the numness is wearing off. it's like someone spilled comfortable all over my favorite dress and now i'm scrubbing it off with ultra strong quicker picker upper.

and i find in all this stretching very uncomfortable.

Like singing a solo at the church christmas party. Several solos. That are really high. under a spot light. in a tight hot red sweater.

Or going to a single adult dance. With my parents. And there was a boy table. and a girl table. and an old people table. and i didn't know...do i brave the boy table...do i make friends with the girl table...do i sit with my parents...aaahhhh...this is akward.

A brief tangent to mention how great this experience was. My table was mom, dad (i caved), honey a middle aged mother of five who told us her life story - which i loved!, billy jo - who wore a name tag that said phat pink elephant, dee ann - a woman with nice bangs and a very shy smile, and her 17 year old daughter Christina.

Honey is bound and determined to find my soul mate. She swears he's in Tennesee. She knows every eligible guy in our stake. Which is a lot to say since it covers Kentucky, Illinois, and West Tennesee. Billy Jo, is at least 70, and swears that Bruce R McKonkie promised him 7 wives in the millenium. I was so preocupied with these two brilliant characters that i didn't get to know DeeAnn and Christan. They said they were too bashful to dance.

And the stake president, a young 80's music lover, my parents and me, stole the show dancing in front of everyone.

And then the 5k push on the tread mill. I cut 7 minutes off my time! SEVEN minutes!

and something i've noticed in all of these stretching situations - my self talk. I've become a constant self propeller. I have consciously noticed what i'm saying to myself. and I'm surprised. i've intentionally changed what i say to myself in my head. And in my panic moments in church bathroom stalls (which has happened more than ever in my life!) i'm surprised at what i'm saying. its actually good. I'm actually doing great at my personal pep talks. and im proud of myself!

and it's made all the difference.

And i'm stretching. and it's akward. and a little uncomfortable. but i'm owning it.