the secret life of bees

Today. I feel grumpy.

Someone told me how to create. Someone told me i can't create my way. and that makes me grumpy.

And my "too-many-richard-geer-movies" fairy tale world is suddenly not so shiney. And that is ok. It just means that this is no skip through the daisey post. and that's ok too.

So. Here i am. Living with my parents. Unemployed. Scramling a little. Trying to find my balance. I keep reminding myself it's the right thing. It's just the part of the adventure where the road gets a little steep.

and all this i know. sometimes it just doesn't sink.

But there is redemtion in my slightly grumpy pessimistic rantings. Bees.

Sue Monk Kidd has created a remarkably meaningful inspiring straight to the heart of me book called "the secret life of bees". A lost little girl finds joy and serenity in her own feminity and relationship to her divine self.

A few exerpts i found particularly compelling...

"you've been halfway living your life for too long. May was saying that when it's time to die, go ahead and die, and when it's time to live, live. Don't sort-of-mabye live, but live like you've gone all out, like you're not afraid."

"Every person on the face of the earth makes mistakes...every last one. We're all so human...There is nothing perfect. There is only life."

"drifting of to sleep, i thought of her. How nobady is perfect. How you just have to close yoru eyes and breathe out and let the puzzle of the human heart be what it is."

"our Lady is not some magical being out there somewhere, like a fairy godmother. She's not the statue in the parlor. She's something inside of you....You have to find a mohter inside yourself. We all do. Even if we already havea mother, we still have to find this part of ourselves inside...When you are unsure of yourself...when you start pulling back into doubt and small living, she's the one inside saying "get up from there and live like the glorious girl you are. She's the power inside you, you understand."

"and when you get down to it, that's the only purpose grand enough for a human life. Not just to love but to persist in love."

and even though i'm not exactly where mama august preaches, i'm progressing. And exactly where i'm at is ok. In the sunny yellow room. With my clothes all in boxes. And no idea how to get to Walmart. And where every road is up hill. And i'm caught up in the drama of someone else's life. and i have no idea what's around the corner and where two months will lead me.

and ya know what? it's ok.