The 12 Adventures

Well here we are again. The 3 readers and me.

I dream about blogging. I think about blogging. I even yearn for blogging. And yet I do it not. A symptom of my crack addicted, sleep depraved, busy go go go lifestyle? Perhaps. A debasing of my creative ablility? Likely. Not having a worthy blogable topic?

NOOOOO!!!

There are many things to which i would love to dedicate an entire day to document. I've decided that if my posterity wants a journal, or a record, (assuming i have posterity of course) they must dig up an archaic computer, log into hishai.blogspot.com or onesundancer.blogspot.com, and read read read.

Although admittedly, there is not much to read here. Yet...

I have made a goal. I know a goal. How origional. Especially coming from me. I'm a little over the top with the whole goal thing. But my goal, my resolution for the year is to process a fear every month while having an adventure. And i noticed today, in explaining this to someone, so far they have all been related to freeing myself from Judgement Weight.

You know that Weight we willing strap on to our self esteems. That burden. Our paralisys. And our secret indulgence for accepting inaction. I would say largely, I am not obese in Judgement Weight. I am mostly healthy, active, and nutritious. But there are those few nastly little pounds that my subconscious just doesn't want to let go of yet.

And so, The Goals.

I don't know them all yet but I will share the three (and 1/2) that i've done.

January. Sing.
Powerfully and with full stance in front of a group of professional musicians and still feel good about myself when i'm done. Now, i've sang in church before. Even been a guest singer at other churches. I know i can sing. But can i sing sing. You know like, well? But i have been scared to test the waters becuase of the 50 professional musicians that i go to church with who can, you know, sing sing. No one was asking me to sing. No one thought of me as a singer. No one was praising me for my singing talent. Subconscious translation = I must not be a good singer therefore I can not sing in church.

I'm done with that nonesense. Sang in church in January. High notes. High heels. And i nailed it! and ya know what, I'm a singer. And i think of me as a singer. And i praise me for singing. And if i want to sing, i don't have to wait to be asked, i can volunteer for heaven's sakes. Yeesh!

2 pounds, gone.

February. Brunette.
I've always had blonde hair. Since i can remember. Except for that one mousey brown weird muddy month on the mission. But that doesn't count. And i like myself blonde. I feel like a blonde. I'm a confident blonde. And people like me blonde. But then i started to wonder...what if i'm brunette? will people still like me? Will life look different? Will my confidence change with my hair color? This may sound silly but these fears are real! (but very silly!)

I'm done with that nonsense. Got brown hair in February. Dark Brown. And i worked it. And ya know what? I'm still me and I'm still okay with that.

2 pounds, gone!

March. Skin.
So i have this weird fear of public nakedness. It freaks me out. I don't like being naked in all my glory. I can naked alone - although that admitedly took work. And so my february girlfriend trip, i couldn't change in the hotel. Shared dressing rooms? nuh uh. not me. I mean, these are my best friends. What am i afraid of? And the locker room at the Y? No way. Will they be looking at my body? Are my nipples too big? Do they have a weird belly button like me? Will they see my cellulite? Will everyone be judging me? And not just my body but the fact that i'm publicly naked?

What is this nonsense? What's the big deal? My body is my body. And i love it. Who cares!!! And so, I walked around naked in the locker room. I sat in the steam room. And i dried out my bathing suit. All while naked. My parents might not be proud. But I fully appreciate this step.

This one get's three pounds.

April. Dun du Dun Dun.
This one is in the works. I thought I would get to do it today but I ran out of time. I'm hoping lunch break tommorrow. And then I'll go public. If not for your reading, for my own validation.

If you have suggestions for adventures, i'm game! But i'm having to dig deep to find the Judgement Weight that I really am ready to loose. I'm not quite to the head shaving phase yet but it came up in conversation today...maybe by November....

Shai