ground zero

Today is the last day... the countdown says zero. ground zero to rentry. ground zero to the new shai who has lived in africa. The jumping off point for my new life, my new adventure, my new future. I don't even think it's going back home. It's not going back at all. Everything is different now...

wow. That's really all i can say. Wow. It's over. I did it. And now i'm coming home. I can't decide what i'm feeling really. I know i definately don't feel like working on my last day...i'm totally distracted, totally checked out from this whole school policy writing business...

This weekend was frustrating and confusing and overwhelming. It gave me realization that yessh i'm so done with the african schedule.can't people just show up when they say the will? I mean seriously!

And then there was connection and some of the strongest most powerful love i've ever felt in my life and i thought yessh how have i been living without this my whole life? How can i ever leave these people.

I bought an african dress. With a head wrap and everything. I felt so silly - like a total poser. But strangers stopped me on the street and told me how smart i look. (thats african for beautiful) And the complements were flowing like orange fanta. It was a nonstop onslaught of "wows! and incredibles!" and my favorite - "you make a beautiful African woman." and even though it's crazy - why not believe them? Why not accept that I look smart?

i'm sure my 36 hour return trip will give me time to process all the lessons and changes that africa has given me. I haven't put them all together yet.

But this weekend i took a bus by myself. Negotiated my own taxi fares. Met with a man who wants to open a school here and told him what he needs to do, like i'm some sort of expert. Handled the Genocide memorial with out a shoulder to cry on - i handled and processed all that emotion and pain and then released it into the past of Rwanda. I went to the market by myself, bought my own dinner, and did my own bargaining. I spoke in church, lead the music, taught an unexpected sunday school lesson. I gave open and complete love to the frustrations of family and cultural differences. I committed to the universe to jump into the unknown and the scary. I totally navigated the city and the waves of the weekend.

and on my taxi ride home last night, i thought to myself - wow. i've done it. I've totally done it. I've helped to open a school for women in a developing nation. I've fallen in love. I have a new son, a new future. The past 18 years of planning and dreaming have happened.

I make a beautiful African woman.

Godfrey's eyes are closed but we're still cute huh?

See you wednesday America.

Blessings,

Shai