Roller Coaster Africa

This past week and weekend has been such a topsy-turvey-make-me-crazy-eat-some-ice-cream kind of week.

I've gone from being so pissed at Africa that I wanted to jump on a plane home that very second, to so in love with all the dust filled craziness that I question if I could ever really leave to back to all the worries and insecurities of the beginning.

I've actually tried to write a couple blog posts that have been my various rantings in these disperate emotional states. But fortunately (or unfortunately) the internet connection here would time out before I could actually upload the message.

What assounds me is the amount of emotion that Africa is drawing out of me - and how quickly I can transition from one side to the other. I feel like a 5 year old. All the emotions hit and grow so strongly that it sometimes overwhelmes me. Just the sheer force behind them is enough to make me want to sit down and have some cheese cake. Bless the people that are magnetically getting drawn into my black hole of emotional bizarreness! Everytime I think i've gotten a steady footing, have found a center of operations here, something rediculous sends me off on another tailspin of African cursings.

I've never noticed this annoying flaw in my personality but maybe it's been there all along - it just took Africa to point it out to me.

A few examples of my frustrations:

Last weekend was umiganda. I think i've explained this before but it is the weekend service thing where your neighborhood community comes out to work together to improve the area. Brilliant idea i think. Except for the stupid cursing of my own whiteness. Annah, my sister, and I woke up that morning ready to go do some work. We had our trusty slasher, a long sharp stick/spoon thing you swing back and forth to slash things. And our spider, a cloven shovel that barely held itself together. We walked to our announced meeting point. After the usual stares and rediculously long time required to actually start something, we began clearing out a ditch close to the main dirt road in our neighborhood. And it took a good 2 seconds for someone to come and take the slasher from me and then another 2 seconds to take the spider from me and even less than that to tell me to sit down. As i Americanly sat there and watch my neighbors work, i wondered if they refused to let me work out of respect for my whiteness or out of disrespect for my whiteness. Is it becuase they think me incapable of working or because i actually am incapable of working? It's so hard to know.

Then when the towns meeting (in i language i had no hope of understanding) started, i asked annah if it would be okay if i left. She said no becuase I was needed at the meeting. Odd i thought, what could i possibly contribute to a town meeting? Oh right. Money. That's what I am. A walking bank. They passed around a hat collecting money but since i didn't know what it was for, i passed it on. Annah came up to me and explained that I represent the family and that i have to contribute, blah blah blah. So I threw in my meager 2000 RWF (around $4) with all the nonberbal expression of frustration I could respectfully muster. And the townspeople clapped for Annah. Horray! You got some money from the Muzungo. And so then of course, the nice lady i was sitting by says "hey you, give me a job. No? Okay, give me a place at your school. No? Okay, pay for my school fees. No? Okay, just give me money." I know they can't help the socialization that all whiteys have money but really...? I don't!

Frustration number two. My bosses who don't actually pay me who i don't actually work for forbid me from taking a weekend rendez-vous to uganda. Even though we can't work on mnoday becasue of elections. and i am not actually contractually required to work weekends. Who are these crazy freaking people?

And then ultimate frustration...the big meeting that i've been preparing for for weeks and weeks was cancelled 6 hours before it was supposed to begin. And so we had to call all 100 invitees and tell them it was canceled. Reason for cancelation? One of our board memebers scheduled another meeting with all of the people invited to our meeting for the very same night. Really crazy? Really???

But then the upside of the roller coaster. hmmmm...now that takes some effort to find. Oh yeah...when the crazy boss ladies called and asked when i'm planning to go to uganda like it was fixed all along. Oh these people. But i'm going to uganda. so that's great.

And then down the chute again when today some other crazy spit talker lady with super hairy armpits and one holy sock with her sandles told me that all the work i've done on the curriculum is totally off track. So frustrating.

and the triple layer chocolate cake of consolation from burbon cafe actually tasted like a graham cracker spice pumpkin concotion. But Godfrey's icecream was tastey.

And so the roller coaster is on it's way back up....

Blessings,

Shai